In Germany, we don’t like talking about money. Yet the topic—especially in relationships—is extremely important. After all, we are rarely as closely connected to anyone as we are to our significant other—both emotionally and financially. We spoke with two couples about how they handle money.

Jara Schätz and Simon Niederdränk, both 27 years old, were far from thinking about starting a family. Their plan was: career first, then children. But in March 2024, a surprise: Jara was pregnant. The news turned their world upside down. Simon was just finishing his master's degree in Mechatronics and Robotics, and Jara had only recently started her job as an engineer. What now?

In November 2024, their daughter was born. Almost simultaneously, Simon began his traineeship—a two-year program in which he rotates between departments and spends one to two nights a week in Ulm, where his employer is based. Together, the couple decided: Jara would take parental leave, and Simon would continue with the traineeship as planned.

“Our goal is for both of us to work part-time eventually,” Simon says. The so-called part-time trap doesn’t worry him. Jara sees it differently: “I am scared of it. You always imagine you’ll just work part-time for a few years—until the child is in kindergarten. But whether I’ll be able to go back to 40 hours? I don’t know. And then there’s a real risk of falling into the trap—getting stuck in less responsible and lower-paying jobs long term.”

But this isn’t Jara’s only concern. She also struggles with her self-confidence: “I studied for six years and only worked for nine months before parental leave. I have to constantly remind myself that I’m not just a housewife and mother, but also an engineer,” she openly admits.

Full-Time Thanks to a Compatibility Model Part-time work was never an option for Ines Imdahl and Jens Lönneker—parents of four children aged between 15 and 25. Together, they founded rheingold salon, a research agency using deep psychological methods. Since the birth of their first son, they’ve followed a compatibility model: alternating between short and long workdays. On short days, the scheduled parent is home by 2 PM to take care of the kids. On long days, client meetings, travel, and evening events are possible. Fridays alternate between short and long. That means some weeks are 38 hours, others 42. If a swap is needed, it’s coordinated in advance. If a child is sick, the parent with the short day stays home.

With only a few exceptions, this model has worked well for them. Professionally, however, it raised eyebrows. “The fact that we both returned to full-time jobs after our children were born was unusual at the time,” says Ines. Working from home was anything but standard. They received little support from business partners—all of whom were men.

A lot has changed since then. Still, Ines frequently encounters the cliché that child-rearing is a woman’s job: “When something happens at school, I’m always the first one called—even though my husband’s number is also on file.”

While Ines Imdahl and Jens Lönneker manage to fairly divide responsibilities, statistics paint a different picture: the Gender Care Gap—the unequal distribution of unpaid labor like childcare, housework, and elder care—remains substantial. On average, women spend 44.3% more time per day on unpaid care work than men. That’s 79 minutes more each day. Per week, women spend nearly 10 hours more on care work than men. This has serious implications for retirement planning.

Planning for Retirement Early “I keep putting off the topic of pensions and retirement savings. I know I should deal with it, but I just don’t feel like it,” says Jara Schätz. She’s not alone: 44% of young adults aged 18 to 30 have not yet started saving for retirement.

This can be especially devastating for women. The Gender Pension Gap—the gender-based gap in retirement income—proves it. Statistics show: Women over 65 receive an average gross retirement income of around €18,700 per year; for men, it’s about €25,600. Excluding survivors’ pensions, the gender gap is about 40%. There are several reasons for this: women tend to earn less than men, are more likely to work part-time, and often interrupt their careers for childcare or elder care. All of this negatively affects pension entitlements, leading to 21% of women over 65 being at risk of poverty. Among men in the same age group, it’s 16%.

“My parents never talked to me about money,” says Jara. She only learned to be open about the topic in her relationship. Simon, on the other hand, grew up in a family where finances were never a secret. Quite the opposite: “I was basically sitting next to my parents while they did their taxes. My dad especially passed his financial knowledge on to me—and I benefit from that today,” says the 27-year-old. He invests whatever money is left at the end of the month.

Since becoming parents, Jara and Simon’s approach to money hasn’t changed much. “We both earn well and, despite the unplanned pregnancy, can still put money aside. That’s definitely a privilege,” says Simon. The couple generally lives frugally and carefully considers major purchases. The only exception was a trip to Japan, which they moved forward due to the pregnancy.

More Compromise, Less Conflict Both couples manage their money in a similar way. Jara Schätz and Simon Niederdränk, as well as Ines Imdahl and Jens Lönneker, each have their own bank accounts. A fixed amount is transferred each month to a joint account for shared expenses and activities.

Money frequently appears in studies as one of the most common sources of conflict and taboo topics in relationships. According to a survey by polling institute Appinio, 23% of respondents said that a relationship of theirs had ended due to financial disagreements. But the two couples we interviewed don’t have that problem. “We sit down regularly, get an overview, and talk very openly about our finances,” says Jens. Jara and Simon follow a similar approach.

“Ines and I have very similar interests and often agree on what we spend our money on,” Jens adds. For example, for many years they had a mishmash of kitchen appliances from their student days. “We preferred to spend our money on travel,” says Jens. That hasn’t changed over the past two decades: “Last year, we chose another family vacation with our four kids. So, our kitchen still isn’t exactly a showpiece.”

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Text: Kyra Wappenschmidt Photos: Jörn Strojny, Sebastian Arlt